If you've been trying to reach me via email, Hotmail sucks and won't let me access anything. Looks like it will, but then freezes up right before giving me any of my messages. I'm *not* impressed. So, when I get a new email address, I'll fix it on my profile so people can contact me. Shopping, anyone?

Well, my exams start tomorrow. They don't count for a lot, but it's enough to get me pretty worried. English will be fine, Politics will be fine, but History and Lit are somewhat scary. I wish only two of our subjects counted. Then I'd be fine...oh well. I can't honestly complain - it's not fair...perfectionism has its down side. People just get annoyed at me when I complain about getting As. (Not that I do often, but...)
Anyway...
Then I have a week pretty much off before two weeks of school and then another two weeks off. Our school system is crazy. I have to consider though, I'm better off, timing-wise, than most people....

I'm trying to kick my diet coke habit. Should be interesting...the fact that I'm broke should help, too. (I know, my timing stinks. I've been told already :P )

Hot lunch yesterday: Spicy tomato and bacon pasta
Hot lunch today: Italian Tomato Ravioli soup
(I love having a microwave in the common room!)

Things I love about winter
it's mandarin season
fires in the evenings
it gets dark early
hot soup
scarves, tights and winter hats (I love my hats...)
mary janes
a wonderful excuse to stay inside and read
fog when you breathe...

this weekend I
watched 'Lock Stock' for the first time (very cool!)
'Sister Act 2'
'Thunderbird 6'
'Shallow Hal'
(man...eclectic movie taste!)
and evidently, did almost no homework!
I went shopping with my friend Renee at the markets, and she introduced me to her friend the Egyptian jewellery seller! ... I now have two new pairs of earrings. $6 total. I was impressed. (I'm broke now tho!)
I thought my third hole had healed over, but discovered it hadn't and I can wear my earring again...it was a nice surprise.
The evil guy at my work has QUIT!! Yay!! supposedly for some unconnected reason...he wasn't enjoying it or something...which I am quite willing to accept. I don't want to hold myself accountable for any of that, but I am aware that when you push people's buttons...
When confronted with the edges of their comfort zones, the fight/flight impulse kicks in. If he thinks about the way people are confronted and disturbed - and scared - by him, as a result of my honest boldness, then I believe that's a good thing. Especially if he is moved to change. Or even consider change...and I know that I was not by any means the only woman at work who was having issues with his festyness.
i need to go see an osteopath. my back hurts...
and i better go. need to read 12th Night before our lecture in a couple of hours...workedyworkworkwokrkk...

Today's thoughts.

Watching 'Life of Brian' - which is definitely better the second time around! - and realised exactly what I should have said a few weeks ago to the guy who has been making me feel uncomfortable at work. "Am I a virgin? How is that not a personal question?! Now PISS OFF!!" I love that character. It made me laugh, thinking that even 2000 years ago, women had to deal with stupid asshole men. (Not saying all men are assholes. Just that some are. They make up for the rest in annoyance ability.)

Also thinking, I haven't really been talking about what I've been doing. Cause it hasn't been much, and I guess I worry a lot that I talk too much. But then, I have to think, you guys don't have to read if you don't want to! So, I may as well spill my guts for fun, without worrying as I usually do that my outspoken honesty annoys people.

I can't tell if I'm behind on work or not. Frankly, I can't be bothered worrying too much. I'll be fine... I've been trying to tell people that, and they don't believe me. Grr...ageism...makes me *really* annoyed.

Sometimes I wish that people would see me the way that I can, cause part of me thinks if they could, they would take me seriously. But then I think no, cause it would be awful if everyone else had the kind of expectations of me that I have of myself. Better to surprise them when I succeed, and not disappoint them terribly when I fail. I guess. Still... it worries me when people I would like to respect me - as I do them - get me so wrong.

I can no longer tell whether my headaches are from a)tension, b) sugar o.d., c) tiredness, d) back problems, or e) my intermittent cold. (since january. it won't go away :( ) And as I *hate* taking painkillers, I end up just trying to forget about it. Generally they do go away, but...
Maybe I should just try to get more sleep and ingest less sugar.
(Note to self: HA!)

I realised last night that year 12 is more than half over. That's ... well, scary, but also mindboggling. And it also brings to mind five astonishing words...
I haven't screwed up yet.

How has that not happened!? Pressure mounting...
Luckily enough I only have 4 exams. Three count, and only as SACs. Plus one uni exam, which counts for 25%. Starting monday week...

But as well, I have a lot of time off. Very nice. So glad I only take four 3/4 subjects. It's a god-send.

This week has flown by. The weekend is almost here... nice. I'm going out to breakfast on Sunday morning with some friends. I think that might be my highlight. Plus singing with show band (? i think it's that one) on Friday afternoon... the conductor's asked me (after much pestering on my behalf to remind him I sing!) to sing "Someone Like You" from Jekyll and Hyde with them for a concert at the end of term. I hope the rehearsal goes well. I know the song, but singing with a big instrumental group is very different to in the shower...
Other than that, just homework. Friendship support. And hopefully, some sleep!

What should we aim towards?

"telling [and living out] great truths with simplicity and honesty"

loving others

learning forever

thoughts...

ps...Who else sets their alarm early so they can "sleep in"?

Only two people keeping up!? That's depressing... oh well. Not why I write anyways. :D

So lately's been crazy. I didn't stop all weekend... I worked two shifts, which was in some senses good, and in some senses bad. I'd really like to stop working there, but I'm good at it, and I need the money, so I feel like I should really continue. At least until I get a better job. It does have its perks, anyway.

I'm pretty tired. My friend is lending me these fantastic Christian books that I can't put down, and the stress of trying to do everything and support ... well, all the people I'm trying to support ... is driving me batty. But I *need* to support them...

I'm working an 8.30am - 9.30pm day today. I don't know that that will help with my tiredness. Oh well. I'll stop complaining now.

good stuff
tell me something good, people say
well...
i read antony and cleopatra
for uni
and liked it
yet again everything is coming together
i'm studying the roman empire at the time of Christ
and the way it all fits together is pretty awesome

i'm studying the rulership of Venice
during the time of the republic
which is also quite amazing
italians are awesome...
so politically complicated! :)

cat's eye is such a fantastic novel

even so
sometimes i wish i could give it all up
become a physiotherapist
something easy
(i'm not saying physio is automatically easy
just that for me, it would be such a relaxed option)
instead of following
my ambitious heart
my piercing mind
to my unknown conclusion
often, i'd rather not...

but somehow, I know
I don't have that option.

stuff i'm excited about:
- discovering new aspects of myself
- my new book! (Well, Ms Gill's book really, but I'm borrowing it)
- understanding 'Antony and Cleopatra' in Uni... well... I'm getting there! (ack...two weeks...exam...augh!!)
- Italy!! I really want to buy the Lonely Planet guide, but I don't have $40... oh well. I think mum wants it too...hehehe...)

stuff i'm annoyed about:
- my haircut. she didn't cut it short enough, and now it's really irritating, but i so can't be bothered going back and getting her to fix it.
- the nature of time. why is there no fast forward button, or more accurately, no previews. i sorta wish i could turn on the tv and see the ads for the parts of my life that are coming soon...like on 'friends'...
- lack of money. i don't have enough to pay for everything i need, but i don't have little enough to seriously whinge about it. it's just grating on my nerves. especially as i know that globally, i don't have a leg to stand on in complaining.
- wasting time. especially in classes. teachers who waste my time irritate the heck out of me. we all have work to do, people, and why do we spend so much time on the easy stuff when the complex stuff is so much more interesting?

stuff i should really do, and soon:
- go and talk to my grandparents about our family history. before it all disappears. nobody else is interested like i am, and i'll be furious with myself if they die before i get a sense of where i fit...and where they fit... intertextual relationships...hmm...
- catch up with a few people...i should actually talk to my friends...life is so busy it's running away with me.
- get rid of my cold. it's been here since january. not enough to make me go to the doctor, just enough to annoy me! (and everyone else who has to listen to me coughing...)

I'm reading a great book at the moment. Sort of school related. The biography of Patrick White... (We're reading 'Fringe of Leaves' in class) I'll put the amazing quote I discovered in here soon...

people please comment, even if it's just so i know who's keeping up with my life!! :)

I've been working for waaay too long. I got here at 7.30 this morning and I've been working ever since. It's now 1pm. I think I should have some lunch, only I've already eaten it all. (There wasn't much.) I'm being productive, I'm getting stuff done. It's just starting to feel old. I guess it's a Year 12 thing. On the brighter side, things are coming together nicely, I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow (yay!) and going out tomorrow night. And hopefully by then my English Oral will be over. (Actually, I'm kinda enjoying that. I haven't done any drama for way too long.)
I'm losing the ability to type, so I'm going to go now, but it's been nice chatting with y'all.
Even if you don't talk back ;).

1. I'm going to Italy at the end of the year!! Wahoo!! In between my last exam (21st November) and my results coming back (16th December) my parents and I are travelling...
Venice --> Milan --> Tuscany --> Florence --> Rome
Can't wait...
2: Tosca (our new kitten) keeps scratching my fingers. Ow. Very ow. Much more painful than it sounds. She is *so* beautiful...The name is very appropriate.

Hmm...I think I've forgotten the rest of the things. And I need to keep working. I may edit this later, to add to it. Ciao!